Nine members of the East Waynesville Baptist Church were voted off the church last week, after failing to pass the Immunity Challenge. The Challenge was simple: Don't vote Kerry . It's okay to make fun of Baptists, though, according to Montgomery County's new sex education program which defends homosexuality against the intolerance of religious groups like the Baptists. The judge who wisely put a temporary block on the curriculum noted that "The Revised Curriculum ... paints certain Christian sects, notably Baptists, which are opposed to homosexuality, as unenlightened and Biblically misguided" .

You'd think that the group who persevered enough to get permission for a factual and balanced sex ed program would have enough common sense to not antagonize major religions in their curriculum. It doesn't take much logic to realize that if a pamphlet with the title "How to put a condom on a banana" can get the majority up in arms, then a pamphlet titled "How to put a condom on a banana when your belief system is intolerant and you smell like pee" is not going to nullify the original angst.

When I was in ninth grade I already had a full course load with band, art, and World Civilization, a history/English hybrid class taught by a quirky lady who had random outbursts in a foreign language which she claimed was Estonian that sounded like "Humnakakeshneeko", and an English teacher who thought everything was "tragic", told people who talked in class to "ostracize" themselves, and dictated word-for-word notes on various literature for a good 50% of each class period. With built-in entertainment like this, I already had to come in an hour early for the Early Bird period 0. I had to choose between "Fundamentals of Human Growth and Development" or Lunch for my last remaining period. I chose Lunch and got exempt from FHGD on religious grounds. I think it was against my religion at the time to skip lunch.

When I'm independently wealthy, having inherited a sizeable fortune from a string of poorly defended credit unions in the Midwest, I'm going to make a sex-ed book. It will not have a single vocabulary term or clinical sketch inside of it -- instead it will be one of those do-it-yourself pop-up books where you cut out the cardboard shapes and make the book yourself. Page one will have the instructions "Insert Tab A into Slot B". Page two will be the cut-outs. I'm not sure yet, how marketable a two-page book is, but there's something to be said for brevity.

Happy Birthday Emily!