Tuesday, December 09, 2008

List Day: Top Five Pet Peeves of the Moment

  • Unit Prices on Lunch Meat
    I always thought that the purpose of unit prices in supermarkets was to make comparative shopping a little easier. It's common knowledge that the ten gallon tub of low sodium chicken broth is more cost-effective than the two cup resealable travel-size chicken broth, but the unit price gives you immediate visual gratification that Home Ec was not a wasted semester. Why, then, do the deli meats always use different measurements? It seems like the rows of turkey and ham alternate between pounds and ounces, and I even saw a tub of sliced ham with a "by the slice" unit price once.

  • Really Fast Blinkers
    A small subset of cars on the road seem to have turn signals that flash exorbitantly fast, as if to say, "OH BOY, I CAN'T WAIT TO MAKE THIS TURN!" I get uncomfortably antsy just sitting behind one of these cars -- it's nice to know that you're turning right, but please do not invite my epilepsy to the party.

  • Ad-Filled Magazines
    Grab any popular magazine off the news stand and you'll find that almost every other page is an advertisement for something ridiculous you'd never buy. You'll probably be hard-pressed to find two consecutive pages that are completely ad-free. Every article will be split into eight or nine sections across hundreds of pages, like a Choose Your Own Adventure book with a single path leading inexorably into ad hell. See also, online articles that are only a page long, but spread themselves across six pages (with a word or two on each page) to increase ad revenue.

  • Costco Shoppers
    People in Costco are incapable of driving their carts with any sense of direction, which is hopefully not indicative of their life at large. Despite the fact that the aisles are wide enough for a three-lane bowling alley, every aisle will be perpetually clogged by slow movers who must have gotten lost on their Skyline Drive trip and are still on the lookout for fall foliage. Plus, the next time some soccer mom leaves her cart right in the middle of the aisle while she dawdles over to get a free sample for her twelve kids, I'm going to take it.

  • Transforming Cyclists
    My dislike of cyclists on major thoroughfares is already well-documented, so I won't repeat it. For the sake of argument, let's suppose there IS a good reason for you to be biking at 12 mph on the Fairfax County Parkway in a car lane. When you arrive at a red light, you can't just decide to change your phylum to "pedestrian" and use the crosswalk against the light. Be a car or get on the sidewalk for good -- just because it's a "bi"cycle doesn't mean you can play for both teams.

    • What are your pet peeves today?

    First 3D football game fumbles then recovers
    Sheep poo causes mountain bike vomit carnage
    Chinese man ruptures girlfriend's eardrum with passionate kiss

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